Senior “Out of Order” Sign Maintenance Specialist

Have you ever walked past the same broken restroom for so long that you started to emotionally bond with the laminated “Out of service” sign? Then this is your moment to shine. We are looking for a Senior “Out of Order” Sign Maintenance Specialist to take full ownership of the company’s most stable long-term project: the bathroom that has allegedly been “under repair” since approximately the late Middle Ages.
In this role, you will ensure that the “Out of service” sign remains fresh, visible, and as passive-aggressively informative as possible, while absolutely nothing practical happens to fix the actual restroom. You will be the guardian of the illusion that “someone is working on it,” even though nobody has seen a plumber since the last ice age.
Your daily tasks will include:

• Regularly re-laminating and re-taping the legendary “Out of service” sign so it looks like something is actively being done.
• Upgrading the sign copy from “Out of service” to more honest variants like “Abandoned Dream,” “Corporate Monument to Procrastination,” or “See You Next Fiscal Year.”
• Conducting sign performance reviews: is the tape still sticky? Is the paper still legible? Is the despair sufficiently communicated?
• Developing a versioning system for the sign (v1, v2, v17.4) to show clear, documented progress on absolutely nothing.
• Coordinating with Facilities to ensure that everyone keeps saying “We’re waiting on a part” with a straight face for 6–12 months.
• Designing directional signage to the remaining functioning restroom that is on a different floor, in a different timezone, five meetings away.
• Collecting user feedback such as “Is it still broken?” and “Seriously?” and documenting it in a spreadsheet that will never be opened again.

You will act as the symbolic bridge between employee needs (“I would like a functioning restroom”) and company response (“Here is a slightly updated sign in a nicer font”). While the toilet remains heroically non-functional, your signage will remain flawlessly operational.

• Proven experience pretending a clearly abandoned issue is “in progress.”
• Strong design instincts for impactful messages like “Out of service”, “Still out of service”, and “Don’t even ask anymore.”
• Ability to keep a straight face while explaining, for the 42nd time, that “the vendor has been contacted.”
• Advanced tape and Blu Tack application skills; washi tape experience a plus.
• Comfort working in an environment where the sign gets more updates than the actual plumbing.
• Excellent stakeholder communication: can notify employees that “unfortunately, the restroom is still unavailable” in 3–5 different corporate tones.
• Bonus: Experience turning shared suffering into memes, Slack jokes, or an internal bingo card (“Saw the broken restroom again”).

If you’re ready to become the unofficial historian of our most iconic broken facility and keep the dream of “temporary outage” alive indefinitely, we’d love to have you. The restroom may never work again—but that sign? That sign will be flawless.